Just-talking-out-loud

"If my coming were up to me, I’d never be born And if my going were on my accord, I’d go with scorn Isn’t it better that in this world, so old and worn Never to be born, neither stay, nor be away torn?" "The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it." By Omar Khayyam I am at work. It is very quiet. Many people are already gone and there are not that many students around. I am pretty sure that those who are, don’t want to be here at this time of the year.  I am listening to radio Javan, chewing on my candy cane (I don't like candy cane), and trying not to think about the argument I had with my mom yesterday over the phone. What an awful day was yesterday. So many disappointments. The longer I live, the more I learn that there is nothing to the end of this life.

The biggest disappointment of the year for me is my lousy love life and something that I am most proud of is learning how to play squash and I am getting better at it.

“In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over my mind ever since.” “Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had that advantageous that you’ve had. ’ From the Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald This is the opening paragraph of this book. I am half way through this book and I think I am just about to understand what the story is all about. The writing style cannot be more elegant and sophisticated. So far I have been enjoying this book. I will write more about this book when I finish reading it. 

"My liberation as a man is tied with your liberation as a woman" and vise versa Tony Porter 

Sept 2010 Some people might argue that time is valuable because when it passes, you will never get it back. However, to me, time is valuable because potentially it provides answers to many different issues we have to face or obstacles we have to overcome in our lives. Yes, time is a tricky thing. I have to give it some time until I will be able to cope, recover, forgive, or to forget. When you are grieving the loss of a loved one, you might think that the pain will never go away. It will takes time but eventually there will be a day that you can think back and the thought of that person will bring a smile in your face instead of tears in your eyes. When you get hurt emotionally, you might think that you will never get over it. But overtime, the pain and the heartbreak will go away. It is only with time that you get to know yourself and others better. Time is the gateway to this hidden knowledge about relationships; the relationship between you and you and the relationship between you

People can simply be categorized into two groups : 1)  those that I get to like more and more as I get to know them more 2)  those that I like less and less as I get to know them more.

I understand that my blog is becoming the second youtube but I have to post this right now.

This is a very beautiful song by a great Iranian singer. I found the animation adds a nice touch.

Aicha by Cheb Khaled

One of my former roommate and now a good friend said “always remember the good things about people”. This stick with me but I wish I could get rid of it. There are some people that I do not want to have anything to do with them. I avoid them for some times and then I forget why I didn’t want them in my life in the first place. By the smallest contact or communication, they are back in my life as if they have never left. For example, I got a txt message from this friend who left to another country months ago. I could not stand her when she was here. Since I knew that was the first time she ever used text messaging, I got supper excited and started to right back. After few messages gone back and forth, I realized what a mistake!!! She got on my nerve only by reading her few messages. Then there is this friend who knows me only when he needs me. Again each time he comes and asks for something, I completely forget that I should not hang out with him. Sadly, I have other examples...

As I was wondering in one of the stores in the mall this evening, when I overheard one of the sale person asking the other one, “Is there the fake Santa, downstairs in the mall?” Then, she went on and explained that the fake Santa was there to take pictures with the kids. I didn’t say anything but wondered what did she mean when she said fake Santa!

A dear virtual friend, Ms. Alchemist , challenged me to add my own items to her list. I say this is a challenge because I don’t want to come up with things that most people might find annoying.  Although I think pink socks goes very well with jeans and black top (because I love unique styles) :), I am writing this in English since the original reason that I started my blog was to improve my English writing. Anyway, I invite all of you to share your own lists if you’d like. So, basically I am writing this post and if you are interested in participating, go ahead write up your own and link your post in the comment section of this post. Things that get on my nerves are the followings: When people think getting drunk is cool!! When someone thinks they are nice by setting me up with a guy without my approval or an advance notice. Those Iranians who think any issues or problem that our community is facing is limited to us (Iranian) and no one else. On the contrary, those people, special

If you live anywhere close to Canada, the terms like ice storm, snow tires, anti-rust coating for cars, and etc... are not foreign to you. Winter is here and before the first snow hits, I need to get my things in order. Last weekend was the day for seasonal change of tires. I needed to get 4 snow tires out of the storage, take them into my car, drive to a place where they could do it for me because when it comes to cars, I am helpless. Watching one neighbour changing his own car’s tires, I wished I had a man in my life to help me out in these situations. I was not very happy to do it myself and I didn’t really want to ask my guy friends to help me out either. Since I really didn’t expect the situation to get any worst, I was just cursing my bad luck. When I got the first tire out and took it to the elevator, I discovered that the elevator was out of order. I ended up carrying all four tires individually to the car, taking the stairs. Lesson learned : be grateful, as long as you are

Over the past three days, I have been on the road for 16 hours. I am very tired but I am glad I went for this trip.

I have the best sister in the whole wide world and one of the greatest personal connection is the bond between two sisters. I am not saying that because we can talk about different people, including actors, without naming them. We simply know who we are talking about  ;) 

I finished worked  at 5 pm on Sunday evening. When I left, I asked myself, what should I do now? Who should I go to? I am fed up with being by myself. I am really fed up!

I am desperately looking for a good book to read. I rather read a fiction because it takes me longer to finish a non-fiction and I have enough serious stuff to read during the day that I need some easy read when I get home. I appreciate any suggestion particularly those books that are your favourites. 

After more than one year, I went to yoga again. I really enjoyed it. They always keep reminding you to breathe. Take a deep breath for your mind, one for your body, and the last one for your soul. Then, thank your body for the opportunity to do so.

I need something to make me feel good about myself...

On campus, there is a concrete building, hated by many people, because they believe it is ugly. I go there time to time for meetings and such. Every time instead of taking elevators, I take the emergency stairway. The whole thing is made of cement (wall, ceiling, and stairs). It is usually cooler than outside and it smells musty. It is more like the smells of the first few drops of rain. I love that emergency stairway. I always take my time when I am there. It reminds me of very old cob houses in Isfahan. My mom always says they used to spray the walls with water to recreate the same smell.

I'm thinking of doing some of these courses .

“Monsieur Hamil had often told me that Time comes slowly from the desert with its camel caravans and isn’t in any hurry because it’s carrying eternity on its back. But Time is always nicer to talk about than to see on the face of an old man who’s sinking a little more every day, and if you want my honest opinion Time is just a thief.”                                                                                           The life before us by Romain Gary

I can appreciate the life for little but delightful surprises, silly complements, and small successes.  

I told him one of my regrets in life is that I rushed to graduate when I was an undergrad. I even worked every summer in a lab just to improve my resume and gain more experience in my field. I graduated with a very outstanding  resume. I never thought of going abroad as an exchange student just because I knew it would take longer for me to finish. You are still young and you have so much time to be able to consider stuff like this. He didn’t say much but the third person replied. You know it is still not too late for you either. Don’t just sit here and think about your past. In a few years, you might think that you had the chance to travel and work abroad today and you missed it. What I heard resonated with me and opened my eyes to some possibilities that I didn’t want to consider. I shouldn’t just wait for my life to start. It has been already started.

It’s another Turky Day in Canada. I am visiting my family and it seems they are happy about this.  My brother is bird-sitting a Cockatiel for a firend. This French bird is enjoying some Iranian music so do I. Happy Thanksgiving!

Even from the bright rising sun The moon that has playfully spun We learn love, joy, and even fun Before our time’s sand has run.                           Omar Khayam

"Poetry is what is gained in translation." by Joseph Brodsky As requested by my dear friend, GS, I have decided to translate the lyrics of this song. Please help me to improve the translation, as I am not very good in these sort of things. Singer : Alireza Ghorbani Music: Homayoon Khoram Lyrics: Bahador Yeganeh You, disloyal friend, hear the secret of my heart. Do not be deceived by my silence. Be aware of my calmness.  You, my companion, open your eyes. Look at my state. See my pain. Do not ignore it. Tonight that you are next to me. And you empathize with me. Stay with me until daylight. My tears, go away. Do not hinder my view when I want to see her. My crazy heart is not familiar with anything but kindness; I take God as my witness. My heart becomes like a homeless bird with no refuge; I take God as my witness. I am like that cloud …. My painful tears are evidence of my despair; I take God as my witness. You, disloyal friend, hear the secret of my heart. Do not

I don’t want to fly solo anymore*. I might get used to it. I might become too independent that when he comes along, I don’t let him in. It is amazing how we, human, get use to anything. After over a year, I have decided to share my apartment with someone else. She moved in yesterday. I don’t know her but I felt wired the whole day. I was the type of person who had so many different roommates over the years. I didn’t know any of them until I moved in or they moved in. I don’t say all living arrangements went smoothly or there weren't challenges but with some, we ended up to be very good close friends. I hope I revert back to be the same easy-going person that once I was. She is from Peru and seems nice. *borrowed from HIMYM

Sept 2010

Sept 2010, Wingfield Basin, view of Georgian Bay , ON, Canada  How does it feel when your living room is a white stone beach for a couple of hours? and when the TV shows the view of a lake in a large screen? Here, in Wingfield Basin, Ontario, visitors come and go and the creative ones leave behind a furniture set. Next visitor can stop here for couple of hours and enjoy the view and the sound of the waves.  I just got back from a weekend trip. I visited Tobermory, Ontario and surrounded area. I recommend this trip to everyone, specially those of you who live in Ontario.

Since I come across more books that I ever read (usually they are recommended by friends and colleagues or I hear about them in different occasions), I thought I should start a category on "book recommendations". Then, when I am less lazy, I can go back and pick one of them. Today, I heard about this book, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) . I was told it is easy read and interesting book.

I can't care less about fashion. I think it is sad to be told what to wear and this is exactly what fashion does. You hear people say they never wear this or that because it is so out of fashion .... I won't claim I have a particular style myself but I admire those who have. This is a blog that I have found recenlty and I beleive it does an intersting job presenting people with different styles.

Everyone will have a bad day. Eveyone will be humiliated at some point in their life. Today was my turn. I keep telling myself to not feel too bad. It's not working!!!

Stacks of Wheat (End of Summer), Monet, from here What I don't like about the winter is not -20C temperature. I am quite all right with the cold; it is shorter days. It gets dark too early.

Today is one of those days that I feel as if I am waiting for someone dear to pay me a visit....

"Wisdom is now so cheap and abundant that it floods over us from calendar pages, tea bags, bottle caps, and mass e-mail messages forwarded by well-meaning friends." Jonathan Haidt wrote that in his book, the Happiness Hypothesis. It is so true but it seems that we can't use this wisdom at all since we are still looking for answers to our questions about life and happiness. Apparently, Haidt has compiled all useful wisdom that we need to know in this book, the Happiness Hypothesis. I have heard many good reviews about this t. It is not self-help book but a combination of ancient ideas and new research findings about happiness from socio-psychological point of view and it is highly regarded by scholars in this field. I will be reading this book and I invite you (if you get the hold of the book) to read it with me if you haven't already. I'd like to know what you think about it. It makes a more interesting discussion.

"Now I know that our world is no more permanent than a wave rising on the ocean. Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper." ~ by Arthur Golden (Memoirs of a Geisha)  I just finished this book and the above quote is how this book ends. It was one of the greatest book I have ever read. The story seemed very real. The author is very expressive that it was hard for me to believe that those words didn't come from a woman who actually endured this kind of living. I am not sure if I should watch the movie since usually the movie is not as good as the book itself. More great quotes from the book are available here .  

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and consciencious stupidity."                                                   ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

I couldn't find the article you were talking about on Psychology Today, Oct 2010. Could you please send me the citation. Thanks :))

Be Happy, show up, follow your heart, find a new perspective, have a sense of wonder, find people you love, set goals, help others, dance, pamper yourself, face your fears, go to a museum, exercise, limit television, get in touch with nature, lighten up, get a good night sleep, read books, buy yourself flowers, don't compare yourself with others, don't beat yourself up, be open to new ideas, don't focus on negative thoughts, focus on creating what you desire, make time just to have fun, keep the romance in your life, make a gratitude list, love your mother earth, want what you have, be true to yourself , because life is too short to do anything else. Live your life.

My family is a big fan of spicy food. So many different chilles and spices can be found in my mom’s kitchen. I still remember that when we used to live in Iran, my mom’s chicken curry was famous among my relatives. Not everyone could stand eating it but those few who could always talked about how delicious it was. If you are familiar with Iranian cuisine, you will find this odd since our food is not spicy hot  and chicken curry is not Iranian food either. But this is my family and we are different. My mom’s experiment with spicy food isn't limited to chicken curry. For example, pick some fresh red chillies from the backyard. Cut them into small pieces and saute them in a pan. Put the lid on and forget about it for couple of minutes. When everyone at home starts coughing for no apparent reason, you will remember that you have a pot of hot chillies on the stove. Whatever you do, make sure your daughter does not take off the lid. If she does, there will be a very spicy vapour coming

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." ~ Bob Marley

I want to be with a man who loves to spoil me...

Like most people, I have some friends that are no longer in my life for different reasons. Also, I have some virtual friends who stopped blogging and I don't hear from them anymore. I miss some of them very much specially those that provided me with all sort of positive energy. It was my ritual to start my day by reading their blogs and telling myself today is a better day than yesterday.  Today, I was like a tiny drop of water in hot oil for many reasons most of which should not really concern me. Reading this post made all the difference. I want to find more people like this who spread the positive energy around.    

Is it too much to ask that I expect leadership form my boss? I don’t want her to send me an email that the content has something to do with the dismantled drinking fountain on main floor. I want her to discuss the vision of the new Dean and how this might affact us and how we should plan to align our goals with his.

and there's a word in Spanish I don't understand but I heard it in a film one time spoken by the leading man he said it with devotion, he sounded so sincere and the words he spoke in Spanish brought the female lead to tears a word in Spanish, a word in Spanish ... ... when manners make no difference and my gifts all lay undone I trade my accent in on chance and fall back on a foreign tongue ~ Elton John I wanted to post this back in Aug. I can't remember why I never diid!

The reality is our society has a tremendous effect in shaping our thoughts and believes. Some of these influences are so subtle to recognize, let alone to acknowledge. I know of someone who is always interesting to listen to. She has one of those personalities who can engage any audience. She is educated, knowledgeable, and a traveler. She has traveled almost every corner of Iran. She is also a firm believer of women’s right and equity. I knew her for couple of months and always admired her for her personality until something happened that made me change my mind about her completely. When two of our mutual friends (both Iranian) started dating, she expressed a shocking opinion about the new couple. The girl was 2 years older than the guy, 33 and 31 years old, and apparently this should be a deal breaker for any couples who are considering a serious relationship. She talked a lot to the guy, letting him know that he could do better and she can help her to meet someone better. According

This is what he sings (sort of) : "Something in the quiet of the night I stay there imagining both of us trying to put together the past, the present and the future... I am feeling so lonely I am not and don't want to be your "owner" I have my secrete desires and plans.."

This is what one of my good friends wrote to me when I asked her how her house hunting went. "House hunting has been slow. I saw a 1 room in a 2 bdrm apt on Tuesday which was nice but the roommate was a hypertexter (sent me 7 text messages in less than 3 hours), her mother comes over and rearranges the furniture and her cell phone was constantly beeping while I was at the apt....ha ha ha ha. She was really nice but she would have driven me crazy with the technology!"  While I found this very funny, it is kind of sad that some of us doing this as if it is acceptable social manners. How do we might feel when we are talking to someone and the third person interrupts the conversation. And how rude it is that the person actually stop talking to you to deal with the third person.   

I don’t know why I come across as a very strong person to some people. I want to tell them, I can also be as insecure and helpless as other people. I think this is something that all people have in common to some extent.

“Some people lift a finger and the way they describe it as if they have accomplished the most challenging task known to human kind. During this communication, they are others who become so influence by their description that they do believe that lifting a finger is and will be truly the most challenging task ever.” This is what one of my friends once told me and I totally agree with her. This is sad that we let people’s talking and speeches affect us to this level.

I wish everything works out for you sooner than later. I wish your heart warms up with other people’s kindness. I wish if you are longing for someone, you see them soon. I wish you a peace of mind and a good health.

"Between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come."

I think the problem with being single is that anywhere you go, you see couples, hand in hand, walking around. Today, I was standing on the side walk, waiting for the traffic light to go green. A jeep stopped in front of me. I could see a couple through the car’s window cross the street from where I was standing.

Yesterday, as I was sitting in the train on my way back, I remembered that last year this time, I was flying to my new city. If I work harder and hang in there for another two years, then I can move to somewhere better.

I had an interesting discussion with some friends recently. We were talking about  some offensive words in particular language and how meaningless they can be in other languages. For example, in French Quebecers, Tabarnac, literally meaning “tabernacle”, a cupboard for the Blessed Sacrament  in the Catholic church (I think), is a curse word. Quebecers used to be very religious people and ,therefore, the religious words are taboo and if they are used, it considered swearing. There are so many similar examples like this in French (Canadian version). Now, try to apply this in Farsi. As one of my friend suggested, if you call someone amameh, meaning turban, it is not only offensive but funny. On a slightly different note, when you are trying to be affectionate, the language that you are most comfortable with always rules. I know of a young couple; the woman is Mexican and the man is from Quebec. When they first met, they always spoke Spanish. Now that the woman is fluent in French, Spani

"Poetry is what is gained in translation." by Joseph Brodsky Sitting on my bookshelf, the Art of Choosing, the book is waiting to be read. I bought it couple of weeks ago based on a friend recommendation. I even read the first 3 pages and I loved it. Yesterday, my brother sent me the link to this TED talk. Choice is a very interesting topic and it is even more interesting when you look at it from different cultural point of views.

"If you expect nothing from anybody, you are never disappointed." from here My life is based on this but I guess this is not always true. Still, I'm sometimes disappointed from some people!

Mount Royal Park, July 2010 I saw my grandparents after 5 years. I don’t understand how I let it to get so long. It was a happy moment when I first saw them but seeing them after all those years, I realized how older they got. It was a slap in the face. It was an alarm going off. My grandparents were so young when they had my mother and I am the first grandchild. So, I was used to have the youngest grandparents as long as I could remeber. It is hard to watch your love ones get old. Couple of months ago, I went to the hospital for a blood test and then there was a nurse talking to one of the patients. Both had knee replacement surgery and they were exchanging their experiences. The nurse turned to me and said: honey, never get old. I smiled and said I wish!

Another great song with a different flavor.

I love everything about this song. I just want to dance non-stop.

I am lucky enough to realize that in my life, there are some special people, who help me not lose faith in humankind. If they are real, which they are, I should still be hopeful that there are people who share the same values as I do.

"When we walk to the edge of all the light, we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly."   ~ Patrick Overton

There are some songs and music that just make your heart warm and happy.

I have started watching the Tudors . I have always been a fan of historical fictions/movies but by watching this, I don’t even learn much about the history because not everything is based on the actual story. Every episode is very long but I can’t help it. I could be doing so many useful things instead of watching this. The fact that Charles Brandon, 1st Duke of Suffolk, is so good looking (in the movie!) is not helping either!

Sometimes, I can be a real chicken! I hate that about myself.

What am I going to say? I can’t think anymore. There is a sense of anger, embarrassment, and awkwardness. My Chinese colleague shows up at my door step and asks me what I know about the lady who is charged with adultery and will be punished by stoning sentence in Iran. What does that make me as an Iranian? What does this make people think about Iranian culture and traditions? Does it really matter to tell the guy, that yes bylaw this is what happens  in Iran but everyone is against it? Does it really matter than I am against this inhuman law and I don’t support it in any condition or situation? What should I really tell him? Should I tell him this is what happens when there is this preconceived notion that anything has to be run based on what is dictated before you? Should I tell him through out history there were so many cases that people in power used religious beliefs and rules as an excuse to role people and Iran and Islam is no exception? I don’t know what to think anymore.  

There are times that you are surrounded by people but you still feel lonely...

Am I too rude or bold not to play your game? Do not ask me to pretend that your affection for me is sincere and genuine. I do not answer your fake smile with a smile. If you miss me, pick up your phone once in while and give me a call. We live 2 min away form each other for god’s sake! Why you tell me something that you don’t mean it. Why everything has to be a lie. 

I am really sick of some idiots who come up with the most ridiculous ideas. I got one of those chain emails saying that recently a mountain in Iran with anti- HIV benefits was discovered. By the way, they spelled therapy, trapi . I remember someone told me that there was a time that some people believed having sex with a virgin girl could cure HIV. That was the time that the number of people carrying the virus grew very quickly in Africa.

It’s one of those days that I wish I was in a remote island away from anyone. Doing my own thing, fishing from the sea, cooking by the fire and at night laying on the beach and looking at the stars.

Taarof is not only very known tradition among Iranians but also it’s very dear to some. It makes Iranian culture one of the highest contextual cultures in the world. Nothing will be said verbally but you should recognize when someone is sincerely offering you something or they are just trying to be polite. From receiver point of view, you have to decline the offer at least once before accepting it; otherwise, you are considered to be rude. Also, there are other forms of expressions and slangs that we use to adore each other without really mean it. Depending on which region in Iran you are coming from, the level of taarof varies greatly. I believe people from Esfahan practicing taarof religiously. Taarof really makes me uncomfortable. Even when I was in Iran, I wasn’t that good in doing it. I can blame that on my parents since they are not that good in doing it either. Both of my parents studied abroad before they got married. They easily picked up the non-taarof culture back then.

Now I think, it is a mistake to risk a perfectly good friendship for romance. Not everyone has the ability to forgive and forget. Not everyone retains only the good memories. Not everyone understands the value of a strong friendship which made you cross the friendship line in the first place. Not everyone realizes that sharing history with someone makes you who you are. It is hard for me to believe that some good friendships are ruined because of romance. That circle of friends will never be the same.

Origins of my Art: Echoes of my Loves by Joseph Drapell (2002) from here I have found this painting amusing. It gives me a feeling as if I am in a scattered state of mind which I am and not as what the title of the work says about love. I am thinking of so many things but noting specific. I have a sense that I am no longer in control of my own thoughts. It obviously shows from the content of this blog.    

I miss a lot of people... and how easier it could have been if I was closer to them.

I remember my dad was very strict when we were growing up. Now that we are all grown ups, he is more mellow when it comes to what we do. But I know deep down he is always worried for us. I know I will be always my dad’s little girl...

That smart little girl who could not stay calm for one second is grown up and she is a mother now. I know she will be a great mom. She has a heart as great as an ocean and generosity that impact everyone who knows her. I hope that she and her little son are always happy, healthy, and safe. I hope always goodhearted people cross their paths. Now, there is one more person in my life that I love and care for very very much.

After one week, I am back to work and found myself with tons of emails that I have to respond too. Of course, this was not a surprise. But what I found amazing was three familiar names in my inbox. An old classmate sent an email to three of us and two more emails went back and forth from the other two.  We never communicated through work emails. I just realized how much I missed them. How much I missed working with them on projects. Three of us are working in Canada but in three different provinces and the last one working in U.S. None of us are even in the same time zone. Last year at this time none of us knew where we would be in a year. None of us knows where we will be next year. Sometimes I think I ran from uncertainty my whole life by planning short term and long term every single day. The truth is we always live an uncertain life. So let’s just live it for now without a fight without hesitation and without regrets.     

Some people are claiming that mustache is back in fashion. This post is for them.

After living off a suitcase for a week, I am back to the place that I have been living for the past 10 months. It feels like home but for some reason I can’t call it home. I sent a text message to my brother letting him know that I arrived in one piece, safe and sound but I couldn't type "I'm home"! 

Check this out http://bookshelfporn.com/archive , and my favourite is this one .

"May I never miss a sunset or a rainbow because I am looking down" -- S.J.Parker

I never thought there is anything more important that hope in anyone’s life. Hope can be the only single way to survival, improvement, and achievement. However, it can also mask our denial. Because we try to stay positive, we don’t realize that we are fooling ourselves; hopping that something extraordinary will happen and it will fix the problem or change the situation in our favour. There is a fine line between being hopeful and being irrational. I have a feeling that some of us (including me) are waiting for a miracle that might never happen. It just gonna push us back by preventing us to focus our energy on something more productive.

Despite all my effort and persistence, I have come to accept that I am living in a world that there is no place for kind hearts.

I have written three over due emails today. I had been feeling very guilty for postponing them. I didn’t want for my friends to think I didn’t care for them. It feels so good now. I still have several more emails to write. Also, I need to send a wedding gift to another friend.

Who on earth has an office hours from 9 to 11 pm?! This is freaky and inconsiderate!

If you like food, you might want to check out this website . This is a treasure.

         has become one of my favourite shows recently.

When I started reading "Laughing Without an Accent", I felt that this book is not as strong as the first one, Funny in Farsi. As I continue reading more, I realized that Firoozeh Dumas is truly a gifted author and this book is as good as the first one she wrote. Below is a paragraph from her book.  "In prerevolutionary Iran, every student had to memorize at least one of the poems of the beloved Saadi, a poet from the 13 century. One of Saadi’s most famous poems, about shared humanity, is carved in the entrance of the Hall of Nations in the United Nations building in New York. When a poem from the strife-filled 13 century is equally relevant in the strife-filled twenty-first century, one wonders if we really are as gifted a species as we think we are. Sure, we’ve invented huge metal objects that can fly, or sit on runways for hours, and yes, doctors can give one person’s still beating heart to another, and we have endless products to make straight hair curly and curly ha

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." from here p.s. One good thing about being a kid is that you are capable of simplifying any complex concept including love. I wish we could retain this as we became grown ups.

Two Homes, One Wolf                                        ~ David Albahari

An opportunity has to pay for itself. If someone argues that you need to miss THIS and loss THAT to gain what comes with the opportunity, that is not really an opportunity.

Crazy world, full of crazy contradictions like a child; First you drive me wild and then you win my heart with your wicked art; One minute tender, gentle, Then temperamental as a summer storm. Just when I believe your heart's getting warmer You're cold and you're cruel and I like a fool try to cope, Try to hang on to hope. Crazy world, every day the same old roller coaster ride; But I've got my pride I won't give in Even though I know I'll never win; Oh, how I love this crazy world.

Photo by Jean Michel Berts The world of photography fascinates me [this reminds me that I didn’t take any pictures this spring. There is a stand alone apple tree right in the middle of the hill on campus. It was so beautiful this spring when it was in full bloom]. Recently, I discovered Jean Michel Berts who is a French photographer. So far, anything I have seen from him was in back and white. His photos are very powerful. He has his own special way, working with light. The photo above is one of his works. I love it. Not only because I think I could I never afford to stay in a room with this view, but there is something about this picture and about this room. Here, it is Paris , a busy city, and yet provides you with serenity and seclusion.  I close my eyes and imagine myself in Paris standing below Eiffel Tower in spring time.

I went to a blood clinic today to donate blood. I have O positive blood type and that makes me almost a universal donor. As a result, I am very attractive for Canadian Blood Services. Once in a while, I receive phone call invitations asking me whether I am available to come to one of their mobile blood clinic for blood donation (i.e. I am sure all of their donors receive those phone calls to be honest).   I have donated blood many times now. I'm not a frequent donor unfortunately but if I get a chance, I'll do it. I have never had any problems before but today was a bit different. I was feeling fine the whole time until the nurse came to stop the blood drawing. The only thing I could tell her was that I was feeling dizzy and that was it. I passed out. It was more like a short nap. When I opened my eyes, it took me 5 sec to remember where I was and there it was, ice cold clothes on my forehead, my neck, and my hands.  That was my day. How was yours like? 

That's it. I'm done with all my stupid thoughts and grieving. I'm done wondering why my life is not progressing the way I envision it. I'll stop being my worst critic. I must avoid going toward things that are not in my best interest. Whatever is going inside this head needs to be filtered but you shouldn't give up. I just need to work harder and try to be happier. I need to stop wasting my energy; I do NOT want to faint. The race is long and no one said life would be easy.

Cheery Blossoms, Toronto, High Park, April 2010 All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. Inspirational Quotes on Mothers Day by: Oscar Wilde

I'm finding many gray hair lately.

“As you see, within our bodies each of us has the elements needed to produce phosphorus. And let me tell you something I’ve never told a soul. My grandmother had a very interesting theory; she said that each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can’t strike them all by ourselves; …, we need oxygen and a candle to help. In this case, the oxygen, for example, would come from the breath of the person you love; the candle could be any kind of food, music, caress, love, or sound that engenders the explosion that lights one of the matches. For a moment we are dazzled by an intense emotion. Pleasant warmth grows within us, fading slowly as time goes by, until a new explosion comes along to revive it. Each person has to discover what will set off those explosions in order to live, since the combustion that occurs when one of them is ignited is what nourishes the soul. That fire, in short, is its food. If one doesn’t find out in time what will set off those explosions, the box o

Music video by Kenny G performing The Moment. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

There are several types of people who irritate me to my core; A spoiled person, those that think everything has to be their way; they are neither considered of others nor flexible; they also complain about everything because nothing meets their satisfaction   A bigoted person, those that persist on what they think is the ONLY right way Politicians and anything that comes out of their mouths (i.e. most of them, some of them irritate me more than the others. I believe honourable, genuine people don’t become politicians. I know that is a bit too strong and it is not accurate to generalize but this how I really feel).

a woman should have... enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to... something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... a youth she's content to leave behind.... a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.... a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored... a feeling of control over her destiny. every woman should know ... how to fall in love without losing herself. how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship... when to try harder... and when to walk away... that she can't change the length

So, I guess it's a relief to know that I don’t need Thyroid biopsy; just running some blood tests to see if I need to take medication.

The  Gravel Pit , by Emily Carr, oil on canvas, 1937. Location: Vancouver Art Gallery I know I might be over my limit since I had this request before but I'm in a desperate need of hearing a good news. Anything works for me.

I wish the world was flat. I wish we where in the same time zone. I wish the earth was smaller. I wish we were closer. Life would be much easier and more enjoyable. My heart is in pieces literally and each piece is with someone somewhere.

Scientists can be cool too ;) Check out this website which features scientific animations to display different molecular discoveries. This is one example: Active Cellular Immunotherapy

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.   Goethe

I really have the urge to write something here but I don't have anything interesting to write about. This is very upsetting that there hasn't been any inspirational moment in my life these past few days. Having said that this post, The Enchanted Soul , is quite something.

The future is not ours to see, Que Sera, Sera.

Recently, I met a young exchange student from France. She is a sweet, friendly, little girl who is not very familiar with the North American culture. Besides, she is struggling with the English language. Similar to Iranian culture, French people kiss each others on one or both cheeks as greeting. Couple of days ago, she goes to a party that she knows no one. Following French tradition, she introduces herself to this guy and she tries to kiss him. The poor guy who doesn’t know what is going on jerks his head back to avoid the kiss. While she is very confused by this reaction, she tries to explain to the guy by saying: this is the French way. When we meet each other, we do french kisses!!

If you could choose, what kind of super power did you want to have? I wish I could read people's mind. Call me over analytical but I'm sure that would save me a lot of pointless thinking or wandering. As much hurtful as if could be, sometimes it drives me crazy to not be able to guess what someone might think or why they said what they said.

Today, I met with a friend who started her new job on Monday. She had pretty rocky relationship with her former boss. Let say her boss had some serious issues. I don’t want to go into details because it’s not important here. Anyway, I asked how her new job had been and she replied no one has yelled at her or insulted her so far. We laughed and I expressed my disappointment that how low our standards or our expectation had gone that we were happy just to be treated the way a normal person should be treated and we didn’t even think beyond that. She agreed with me. Why we put up with some monsters. Why we agree to be treated less than we deserve. Why we let people to be disrespectful toward us. And worst of all why some of us think this is acceptable. There are so many reasons why we let ourselves to be treated badly. I agree sometimes the situation is beyond our control but what hurts me to discover is that some of us think having no rights for our own is normal. I salute my friend for