Just-talking-out-loud

Sometimes, I can be a real chicken! I hate that about myself.

That's it. I'm done with all my stupid thoughts and grieving. I'm done wondering why my life is not progressing the way I envision it. I'll stop being my worst critic. I must avoid going toward things that are not in my best interest. Whatever is going inside this head needs to be filtered but you shouldn't give up. I just need to work harder and try to be happier. I need to stop wasting my energy; I do NOT want to faint. The race is long and no one said life would be easy.

It just hit me that there was a time in my life that I was living in the past, surrounded by all sort of nostalgia. I never thought of living in a better place, in a better time, and actually enjoying my life. Now I have another problem. I live for the future.

I'm heading to Ottawa tomorrow to start my summer job. This will be the first time that I'm working for such a huge organization. I've butterflies in the stomach. I'm scared. So many negative thoughts are going through my head now. What if and what if??? I'm pushing everything away. Stop thinking about them. During the interview, I was told that the job would be in a high pressure environment. I replied no problem; I work better under pressure- which is totally true. This isn't the first time that I'm challenging myself to become (or get closer to) the person I want to be. I could have picked something less demanding, something easier and enjoy my summer in Vancouver with my new friends. But I had to pick this one. I had to do this and go through another move and settle into another new city. I need to work on my self-confidence. This isn't the first time and it won't be the last time. I need to push myself and remind myself over and over that, eve...

Isn't too awful that I've my blog on-line for the whole world to read but when my mom asked to have my blog’s URL address, I hesitated? I felt so disloyal,,,. I'm very close to my mom (thank god) but you always have something to hide from people you love, only because you want to protect them. I don't want her to be worry about me when I'm going through a tough day. This blog helps me to calm down. I don't want to be conscious of who may or may not read my blog because that may affect what I write about.