28 February 2011

I just spilt the entire stupid cup of coffee on my Persian rug. grrr....

27 February 2011

Oftentimes, selfishness and laziness go hand in hand. Thank to my thoughtful neighbour I couldn't sleep from 1:30 to 5 last night. Their toilet flush was running and making this horrible noise, resemble someone moaning. I had to go and knocked on their door at 3:30 in the morning demanding some silence. But on the upside, I ended up working and actually finished one thing.

26 February 2011

I also have vulnerability issue!




... and I knew about it but I didn’t know it was a problem.

Brene Brown has a very good sense of humour. She speaks gracefully and makes me want to listen to her forever. I can relate to this talk easily. When she said “you know that how there are people that think vulnerability and tenderness are important and they walk into it, a) that is not me, b) I don’t even hang out with people like that.” I thought that is so me.

Connection is the core of life and the reason why we are here. I agree with this completely.

She identifies some people, who have strong sense of love and belonging and they know they are worthy of it, as the wholehearted people. What else do they have is the sense of courage. They tell the story of who they are the way they are. They accept imperfections. They treat themselves with kindness and compassion.

Then she adds, let go of who you should be for who you really are. Fully embrace vulnerability. Think of it as something that is necessary. Take risk and invest in a relationship that it may or may not work out.

We live in a vulnerable world. I live in uncertain world. I don’t know what will happen in future. I am imperfect so are other people. I put everyone else before myself and I don’t treat myself with enough kindness and compassion. I should let myself to be seen. I should practice gratitude and happiness. I am enough.

Anyway, I listen to this talk 3 time two nights ago. It really influenced me and I tried to put it into practice. It turned out to be a disaster. Being vulnerable didn’t bring me anything but sadness and disappointment. I know I am echoing Brene Brown and confessing toward my fear. I know I know. After sometime when I felt less emotional and I could think again, I started reflecting on what happened and my whole life. I have decided to do what she said but start with baby steps. I have to be smart and be selective about who I am vulnerable toward. Connection is the core of life and the reason why we are here. I agree with this completely but I also think that not everyone is worthy to be connected to me and my love ones.

22 February 2011

My train ride

My short vacation is already over. Sitting in the train, I am socking in the sun and enjoying the landscape that is covered by ice, snow, and dry trees. There are occasional houses, farms, and train stations but I don’t really see the people because I am drown in my own thoughts.
Am I too naive to want to believe what I heard?...  I am afraid that I might get disappointed again.
There is an article on my lap that I need to finish reading it for tomorrow. So far I have only spent 15 min on it. After writing this post, I will tackle the article.

Work-life balance



What is your ideal balanced day? It is time for self- examination.

21 February 2011

As selfish as it sounds, I hope I took a piece of you with me.




Oh! It is pity that after all these years, as much as I want to believe that I will never be vulnerable again, I wish someone has missed me these past few days.
This video clip is from one of my old time favourite sitcoms, the 3rd rock from the Sun. Four aliens transform to human body and visit the Earth to study human life, culture, and behaviour.

18 February 2011

Family Day for family time

I can't wait to spend some quality time with my family. I miss them so much.... specially when I got this one phrase email from my brother asking me if I want to go to the Chinese store (the big one). I have no idea which store he was talking about but just made me miss him more.

16 February 2011



I wish you all a peacful mind and a heart fed with love and happiness.

10 February 2011

In the memory of someone special

She said she never felt she needed a man in her life. Her dad was all she needed. He was there when she needed a moral support, encouragement, or just an ear to listen to her conversations. 

I think she has shown a lot of courage so far dealing with the whole thing. I admire her as I admire her for everything she is.

9 February 2011

8 February 2011

When you start to care, things will get complicated and less enjoyable. I wish I had those types of carefree personality.

6 February 2011


I just discovered this singer. She is super talented.

Donnez moi une suite au Ritz, je n'en veux pas !

Des bijoux de chez CHANEL, je n'en veux pas !
Donnez moi une limousine, j'en ferais quoi ? papalapapapala
Offrez moi du personnel, j'en ferais quoi ?
Un manoir a Neufchatel, ce n'est pas pour moi.
Offrez moi la Tour Eiffel, j'en ferais quoi ? papalapapapala

Je Veux d'l'amour, d'la joie, de la bonne humeur, ce n'est pas votre argent qui f'ra mon bonheur, moi j'veux crever la main sur le coeur papalapapapala allons ensemble, découvrir ma liberté, oubliez donc tous vos clichés, bienvenue dans ma réalité.

J'en ai marre de vos bonnes manières, c'est trop pour moi !
Moi je mange avec les mains et j'suis comme ça !
J'parle fort et je suis franche, excusez moi !
Finie l'hypocrisie moi j'me casse de là !
J'en ai marre des langues de bois !
Regardez moi, toute manière j'vous en veux pas et j'suis comme çaaaaaaa (j'suis comme çaaa) papalapapapala

Je Veux d'l'amour, d'la joie, de la bonne humeur, ce n'est pas votre argent qui f'ra mon bonheur, moi j'veux crever la main sur le coeur papalapapapala Allons ensemble découvrir ma liberté, oubliez donc tous vos clichés, bienvenue dans ma réalité !

Lyrics from here.

3 February 2011

2 February 2011

I can't talk out load...

These days, I talk to myself, in my head, more than ever but the sad part is this blog became a stranger. I cannot transfer one or two of those scattered, confusing thoughts from my brain to here. I don't understand why. Maybe because I didn't want to confess or to admit that I do the same mistake over and over. My problem is I don't want to believe in good in people. I am always skeptical about people's good nature. I can easily sabotage my own happiness because it is the easy way out. Because this is my defense mechanism to avoid being hurt.