16 August 2010

Our society

The reality is our society has a tremendous effect in shaping our thoughts and believes. Some of these influences are so subtle to recognize, let alone to acknowledge. I know of someone who is always interesting to listen to. She has one of those personalities who can engage any audience. She is educated, knowledgeable, and a traveler. She has traveled almost every corner of Iran. She is also a firm believer of women’s right and equity. I knew her for couple of months and always admired her for her personality until something happened that made me change my mind about her completely. When two of our mutual friends (both Iranian) started dating, she expressed a shocking opinion about the new couple. The girl was 2 years older than the guy, 33 and 31 years old, and apparently this should be a deal breaker for any couples who are considering a serious relationship. She talked a lot to the guy, letting him know that he could do better and she can help her to meet someone better. According to her, he had the chance to date someone much younger than himself. After couple of months, the couple, both who were good friends of mine, broke up...

I always wonder how she could pretend to be so open minded but behave so differently. It is like as if she contradicted all I have ever heard from her. Why men should marry someone much younger than themselves? Is it all about having children and reproduction? Is that all about the looks and beauty and how long it lasts? Don’t they understand that a 30 something woman can be wiser than 20 something woman. If they are considering having someone as the mother of their children, isn’t it better for their children to be raised by someone wiser and probably more mature. This friend thinks a man is entitled to have a much younger wife (for any reasons that are beyond my comprehension). I wonder how much her society had to do with this way of thinking. Whether I like it or not, I don’t have the right to divorce my husband in Iran. I can’t keep my children after the divorce because they belong to their father and if he dies, I do not deserve to inherit the same amount of money as my children. Even my daughters inherit less than my sons. These roles provide the man with an entitlement in today’s Iran society. A husband might love his wife but it is all about entitlement and the way he has been thought (by society and family) to treat a woman and this is also true for the way a woman might think about men.

p.s. I apologize if this post is offensive to anyone. My intentions are not bad. This is just a reflection on what I read here. Certainly, I am not trying to generalize here. (e.g. My dad is an Iranian man (born and raised in Iran) and I never think there is better guy than him in the world.)

4 comments:

آنا said...

ممنون ديزي جان و اميدوارم روزي نگاه به زن سواي جنسيت كه به ديد يك انسان باشه .كه انسان بودن يعني صاحب تفكر وانديشه بودن نه قابل تملك بودن

Daisy said...

آمین

Nava said...

I think there is a global underestimation about women everywhere. However, in a more traditional society like Iran, it is so intense and bright, and in a more developed society, let's say Canada, it is much paler.

The smallest traditions, somehow deepen their roots into people's minds, and it takes a good while to be able to get rid of them. Because to dominate them, it's not enough to leave the society of origin, but one should definitely struggle to find and take out those roots from the hidden corners of one's mind and beliefs.

Dead said...

I agree with your main point, that people's beliefs are best reflected in what they do and how they respond to unexpected events, etc. not in their talks. This lady appear to be bogus from what you wrote :)